Today I went to my aunts house for a little "every birthday in March combo party." It was actually pretty nice. I like seeing all of my family. I had a good conversation with one of my aunts there too. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but when I talk to certain people in my family it makes me feel different. Like I should be doing more for myself, or something. That's not a great way to describe it, but that's the best way I can do it. When someone that you look up to and respect says that they know you're going to do great in everything you can't help but believe them. A lot of the people in my family I know pretty well, but I don't really know. I think you know what I mean. Like I have no clue how they'd act around other people. There are a select few that I do know well though and they are some of my favorite people in the world. I'm not going to name every single one of them, but I'll give a little anecdote to show what I mean. I remember the day that my mom died I got taken out of school and went to one of my aunts house. Waiting there were some of my cousins. When I got there my cousins Alex and Gabi were standing at the the other end of the room just staring at me and smiling, so that's all I could really do back as I walked all the way across the room towards them. When I got to them though all the smiles were immediately replaced by crying when I hugged both of them. Most of that day is a blur aside from that part and just a few others. This is a situation where words fail to describe everything, but they are definitely two of my favorite people. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this now so I think I'm going to end it. I think the moral of this entry is do yourself a favor and favor yourself. Also, always keep the people most important to you in mind. They're the ones that are always going to keep your head above water.

I'm tired of all these ridiculous fundamentalists. I'm not only talking about Christians, because there are fundamentalists for every religion. I'm just pointing out them in particular because that's what I encounter the most. When I encounter someone in person like this I can argue it to the point where the person I'm arguing with drops all rational reasoning, starts answering everything with emotion and in turn becomes an idiot. That's okay with me though, because when I get to that point I know that rationalism beats romanticism and that I've won. The thing that makes me mad though is people on the internet. No matter what you say or how you say it you can never win anything on the internet. This is because you can make the most valid point and all they have to do is say "ur gay and u r 2 dum lol." The best part is after they type that they sit and stare at the screen wondering how they became so clever. You may  think that only accepting this bigotry to a degree is alright as long as you don't get too heated or crazy about it. Wrong. Any kind of belief in the hate filled fundamentalist ideas is perpetuating them enough that things like the picture above happen daily. I have no idea how these fundamentalists obtain these kind of mental blocks either. Maybe some people are just born with a very small intellectual capacity. I think that most people are raised that way though. When you're a kid you have no reason to not believe what your parents say. No matter how much hate filled their propaganda may be. Either way, if this describes you at all at least re-think what you think. Religion isn't bad. Religious zealots are.

I don't really know what to say here. What I want to convey I can't really type down specific enough for easy comprehension. For the past two months I've been talking about a lot of changes that I want to make happen for myself and every time I revisit them I get elated and so excited for them to happen. Out of all of these I haven't really started on any of them. Even the nearest one, the spring break road trip. Spring break is in two weeks and I still haven't gotten around to booking a hotel. I really should do that tomorrow, but I'll probably get caught up in the days events and forget. I've also been meaning to throw away everything in my room that I don't need. All the space in here is ridiculously crowded with tons of stuff I don't even need. Maybe I'll do that this week. Probably not. The only thing I've been keeping up with is going to the gym everyday. I'm very proud of myself for this one task though. I'm not exactly the most motivated person in the world, but I've done very well in this area. Today I was even able to increase all my reps by 20 lbs! 

I'm just going to start this blog out with the bad part and get it over with. My dad has to be the worst, most unsafe driver I have ever seen. Yesterday he hit someone and wrecked our other car to the point that it isn't drivable. Awesommmmmeeee. Also, they are still trying to find a part to my car to see if it's totaled or not. So as of now I have no way of getting anywhere.

You can probably already tell from the title that this isn't going to be the most optimistic post of all time, but it's my blog so I'm allowed to. Back to the point, the title is from the song Hurt, by Nine Inch Nails. I was watching the music video today for the cover by Johnny Cash, which I like a lot better, and I think that's what actually made me start to feel bad. I'm just not sure that I really like the way that I think or the choices I make. It seems like before I make out a choice I'll know which one is better in morale or in the long run. Still though, even while I'm thinking that it's a bad choice, I make the bad choice anyway. Usually it's for personal gain or happiness, which I guess you should want. I do prefer making and keeping others happy in replace of myself. Well, I like the idea of it at least. For some reason though, I just can't seem to get past my own wants. Also, I'm not a big fan of they way that I think. Sometimes I'll play through entire scenarios in my head and wait until after to tell myself that whatever it was probably wasn't the best thing. Just to have myself replay the same scenario ten minutes later when my mind wanders off again. I understand how I need to think and do to be a good person. It just doesn't always work out that way, or at least most of the time. I just took an entire blog entry to tell you that I'm not a good person on the inside. Haha. Have a good day.

I haven't posted for a while, so I thought I should. The only problem is not exactly a lot has happened lately. All I've really been doing for the past week or so is going to the gym and practicing guitar. Actually on Friday I went to the drill showcase. That was fun. Yeah...I don't know what to say about anything because I haven't had any big feelings towards anything I've done for the last while. Actually I've been pretty indifferent towards everything. That's something interesting. I should probably get on that. How are you supposed to make yourself care about stuff though? I sure don't know or I would. I feel like turning off everything and just laying down right now, but there's people talking to me so I don't think I will. I'm glad that the weather is finally starting to get warm. I've been waiting for that for a while. I think I'm going to do some spring cleaning too, to get rid of old stuff. Actually I'll probably do that tomorrow if I don't have too much homework. I have other things going on in my mind, but I'm not sure how to put it on here without being more vivid than I'd like. I'll at least leave you a video for fun. Oh, and I'm watching Across the Universe right now, hence the video and picture.

I haven't posted for a while, so now I have a few good things for you.
First, I want to share a few quotes from my last couple days.

*after our history teacher tells us WWII got us out of the Great Depression
Jesus (imagine an exotic mexican accent): Dude, we should start killing Germans again.
Me: Umm...we never killed Germans for sport. You can't go out and buy tags to kill a couple Germans.
Jesus: Ohh, well than we should kill Asians. They're small anyway.

*Krueger on whether or not you'd know you'd love your mom in a world without language
Krueger (teacher): But would you know that if she was 500 miles away?
Not dumb Jesus (thinking he's witty): Well if there are no inventions how did she even get 500 miles away?
Entire class: Ohhhhh!!
Kruger: She walked.

I have more, but those are the two that just come to mind right now. Remember a while ago when my car got turned into a tin can by a lady that skips stop signs? Great news! She doesn't have insurance. So now I have no idea how long I'm going to be without a car. I hope it's a realllllly long time. That would be awesome. With my luck they're going to tell me stop signs are void in West Valley and that there's no fault. I had other things on my mind earlier that I was going to put here, but I can't remember them now. Maybe I'll edit this post and change it when I get home tonight. Maybe not.

I've decided that I don't care what my chances will be with only 2 1/2 years of playing. I'm definitely going to apply to go to Berklee College of Music. I at least can do as much as I can until I need to audition for it. The only problem is I'm not exactly sure how hard it is to get in. I've seen acceptance percentages as low as 20% and as high as 85%. I guess I shouldn't worry about that though, I should be just trying to get as good and knowledgeable about music as I can by February of next year. The only downside would be going to Boston. I'm already not a big fan of cold weather, but it would be worth it. There isn't a lot more to say other than I really want this and I'm going to go for it hardcore, haha.