Tired and Uninspired.


Life is stupid.

I sit. I eat. I play video games. I watch movies. I talk to friends. I have a little fun. Then I go to sleep and when I wake up the fun is gone, and I'm back to square one. I can say I saw the best movie. I was there when this person said that one funny thing. I was playing when we owned at Halo. I heard the coolest bands new single. It really doesn't matter the next day, after I've slept off the novelty. Then I get to pretend I'll do something new the next day. Rinse and repeat. I never feel anything super extraordinary. This is all dumb and I'll say it again.
Life is stupid. At least right now it is.

I'm not doing anything that keeps me "on the edge of my seat." That's a really stupid metaphor, but I'm leaving it. I'm not making money. I'm not pursuing a relationship. I'm not even painting a boat. If I don't find something soon, I'm going to end up getting in trouble from my boredom. I want something worthwhile. 
End, frustratingly-boring-dumb blog entry.
Have a good day.

Do you know who I am?


This blog is going to seem like me hating myself and being down trodden or whatever. It's not though. Just imagine me having a normal face on and feeling fine while doing this, because I am. 


I'm just not a big fan of when people hold me above themselves for certain things, because I'm not as lucky as some people seem to think I am. "Dylan, you're so lucky, you can get any girl you want!" Haha noooo. Contrary to popular belief, this is wrong. Actually, nearly the opposite. Just ask me about any girl that I've liked a lot. Oh and this isn't me trying to get pity either. It's to break a few urban myths. "You're way more popular than me. Everyone likes you!" Again; not so much. I'm sure that just about everyone I don't like, doesn't like me either. Believe me that's a lot of people. I may know a lot of people, but I don't think a lot of people know me. Next. "You do everything! Is there anything you can't do?" I may do, or try, a lot of things. I'm merely passable on just about all of them though. It sounds really cool when I mention everything, but dive deeper into them seperately and...yeaaaah, not good. "How come you don't get good grades? You're one of the smartest people I know!" The first and best example of how this one is wrong is math. Haha. I think last year is the first where I didn't fail it. I even thought I might do really well in Theory of Knowledge, but 1/3 of the time I don't fully understand what we're talking about. I may have gotten an A, but only because I tried to do my work.

I can think of more, but I really don't want to give the vibe that I'm just beating myself up and fishing for compliments. I'm sure it seems like that already, but I'm not. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the compliments though. I do. A lot actually. I'm just not better than any of you with any of the above things. I also don't want people to really believe that I'm some lucky person that can do anything he wants because, as I've just explained, I'm actually quite limited. 
Have a good day.

We're not the same dear, as we used to be.


I'm in a really weird mood today. It's a good one though. I feel like I'm at the top of my creative game right now. Like I could write the lyrics and music for six whole new songs that would all rival my past ones. I think what I'm going to do though is slowly write just one throughout the day. There are some songs that, the first time I heard them, I smiled listening to them the whole way though. Not because they were necessarily happy, but because it made me glad that other people could write and think like that. Songs that "make you believe the worlds not gone dead." That's what I feel like I can do today, or at least I hope I can.

Today I also started reading The Catcher in the Rye again. It's been at least a a year and a half since I read  it last. I read a lot during sophomore year. Too much maybe. The point is though, that now it seems like a whole new book to me. I'm barely to chapter seven and I'm already seeing Holden as a different person then I did before. I'm positive that's a good thing. I may not be who I want to be yet, but I at least know that I'm someone different than before. I've changed, I've evolved, I've grown up. Whatever. I've done what I've preached; being the same forever isn't good. I know that I have a lot more to change, but I know I'm on the way. Moving on...

I had fun yesterday. I went to breakfast and I had the biggest burrito of my entire life. Couldn't even finish it. I watched two movies as well. I liked Wristcutters a lot. It added humor to a touchy subject, which I guess I do a lot anyway. The second movie was alright, not my favorite though. Then later that I night just sat around with a lot of people. A few of them I haven't seen in a while. Even though I had a lot of fun last night, I'm ready for school to start. I don't just mean the first week where it's fun and you get to see all your friends again. I mean the whole thing. The ridiculously hard end-of-the-season wresting practices, my huge AP essays I'll need to do, awkward social instances, even staying up late reading for ToK because I was too lazy to the night before. I'm not saying that all of this sounds fun to me, but I'm ready. The past few years I've at least had an idea of how school was going to be. This year though, I have no clue and I'm interested to see what does happen. The only bad part about this, is it makes me feel like the rest of the summer is just a waiting area for the school year to begin. I guess I'll just sit around with people, drink coffee, and read until it starts.

I don't know how to end this blog entry. Soooo...this is it.

But no matter what they say, my head just won't pick up.


I was going to write all about my trip to California, but I don't think that I will. I'll just put a few of the main things that we did.

Magic Mountain.

Beach.

Aquarium.

Boardwalk.

Sushi.

Harry Potter at Graumans.

That list doesn't do the trip justice, but just know that I had a good time. It's nice to get away from everything for a while. Especially when you're doing a bunch of fun things while you're away.


Today I took a "me day". Haha that sounds really stupid. By that I mean that I just hung out at my house and did what I felt like I needed to do. I beat The Force Unleashed. It was fun. I watched In the Land of Women and Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I wish that Adam Brody was in more movies, even though he's the same character in everything. I cleaned my room, which was no small feat. That actually took me several hours, including the time I spent just sitting, wishing it was clean. I even played Halo with a bunch of people for a few games. I haven't played in soooo long, I'm surprised I did as well as I did. Last, but not least, I wrote a new song. I like it a lot. I'm not sure if I like it so much just because it shows exactly how I've been feeling for the past little while, or because it's actually good. It could even be both! But I think I'm going to post it here and let you guys comment on whether or not it's worthy of putting music to. I don't want to get in the habit of posting songs I write in every blog entry, I'm sure it gets annoying. But I feel like I'm much too biased on this one and need approval haha.



The Blue Room


I don’t look under my bed when I sleep

That way I pretend there’s someone with me

I’ve never seen so many shades of blue

Or clever thoughts that say forget you

We’re all looking for the same person

Well I think I may have gone blind

We’re all looking forward to the future

Well I still wonder how I lost the time


This isn’t a rest

This is full blown unhappiness

I don’t mind a few cuts

But no matter what they say

My head just won’t pick up


The light must keep the demons at bay because

because when night comes into my room I just

I just can’t keep any of them away

Away

This song is a beacon

Just for the person I need

And maybe she’ll listen to this 

And maybe you’ll think

“This could be me”


This isn’t a rest

This is full blown unhappiness

I don’t mind a few cuts

But no matter what they say

My head just won’t pick up


When will the hues of my blue room change

They told me to close my eyes

In the morning everything will rearrange

Rinse and repeat

Tomorrow will be another night

Sure, sometime I’ll have a good time

And by then, who knows, I could be fine

But right now I can’t find my anyone

And, anyway, anyone wouldn’t be mine


This isn’t a rest

This is full blown unhappiness

I don’t mind a few cuts

But no matter what they say

My head just won’t pick up


I'll be everything in time.


I just got back from California, but I'm too tired to talk about the whole trip right now.

I've had this one half done for a long time and was finally able to finish it in my hotel, over the trip.
Yeaaaahhh.

This last month I’ve become a fighter.

My head all bruised up like a champ.

Sleepless nights are my courtesy teachers.

They let me know I can’t do it at all.

You’ll never make it, not with a conscience like that.


Please just take my head off my hands

A machine that won’t ever seem to turn off.

Infinity’s never seemed so clear.

Not with these thoughts

all beaten black until they’re soft

A stalemate isn’t a way out

I only play to win


My thoughts all whisper the same hard line

turn it all around or drown

and you’ll be everything in time


I could let it all just sit

Let my pain mature into a hard wine

Everyone will soak it in until they bloat

I’m the proud owner of all this hurt

Even the name tag reads “mine”

It’s mine

It’s mine

Let me go


My thoughts all whisper the same hard line

turn it all around or drown

and you’ll be everything in time


I could fall short

but a long drop would do me well

Just another broken man

That a long drop, would anything but kill


My thoughts all whisper the same hard line

turn it all around or drown

and you’ll be everything in time

I’ll be everything in time


California, here we come.


Guess where I start driving tomorrow at 3 A.M.? San Diego yeaaaaahhhh. The whole vacation should be pretty fun. I've been waiting forever to drive to California with some friends and just do whatever there. I guess it's only me and Jordan, but it'll be fun. I'm going to see Harry Potter there too! Even though I'll be in California, that's one of the parts that I'm most excited for. Magic Mountain will be fun. I'll probably come back black from all the time on the beach. I think that it would be really cool if I ended up going to a show while I was there, but I don't see a big possibility of that. Overall it will just be really nice to get out of Utah and have a vacation to relax and have fun of. I feel to cramped up here. That sounds pretty funny since it's an entire state, but I still feel like I need to get out of here. I'm going to take the relaxing time and write a few songs. Hopefully when I get back I have a good song or two that I'm proud of.


I want to meet new people in California. I saw Bruno last night, it was ridiculous and intense...but hilarious. Harry Potter better pwn the world. I want to play some songs for Cameron and Carlos and see if they can think of any good instruments to add into them when I record. I'm pumped to get some real sushi. I need to burn 1000 CDs today, due to Jordan and me not being able to get our hands on an FM transmitter. I'll miss some of my friends while I'm gone. Awww fercute.

P.S.
I'll have my macbook with me, so I'll probably blog even though I'll be gone.

I'm just trying to bring music back to music.


The first little bit of this is going to be about what I've been doing, while the rest will be about music and life...ish. Haha, I love that all you have to do is put ish on the end of something and you can be as vague as you want. Thank you social creation.


The past couple days I've been doing what I've been doing all summer. Sitting around with Jordan. Sometimes we do other things though. We'll get Carlos...or go to Seans...and stuff. That's about it though. Last Thursday we saw The Audition and it was really cool. The whole area and stage was sooooo small so that everything was incredibly personal. You could just sit there and talk to Danny in between songs. Way cool. Then yesterday Sean and I went and saw Ace Enders. I liked it a lot because it was similar. Not tons of people and a pretty personal show. That was even cooler to me, because in my head at least, Ace is a really famous person. The Early November played at the first show I ever went to. There was even a bbq before the show where the bands cooked you food and you got to talk to everyone. When I start playing music at places like that, that's what I want to do. Today I went to open gym with only Jordan. It was a little different, because we usually at least have Carlos with us. It was still really good though. I'm really close to having back tucks down. I think I just need to jump a little higher. Anyway, on to music...

I think my idea of a great musician is really different from most "casual listeners." That term makes me sound incredibly pretentious, but I can't think of a better way to put it. For most people meeting the best musicians of the time means meeting The Jonas Brothers, or Britney Spears, or Jesse Mcartney. They do all have a lot of talent (yes you disagreeing people, they ALL do) but I think that most of the best musicians of our time are all busy in more underground places, just making music and not checking their mail for Grammy Award gift baskets. I think that the fact that they are just making music and not trying to get as big as possible is what makes them the best musicians. Yes, the more people that know about you, the more your music is heard. Honestly though, if you make something really good people will listen. I'm sure that if I had never mentioned the names AJ Rafael, Jesse Barrera, or even Bayside to a lot of my friends, they would have never gotten to experience their real musicianship. I'm not trying to take credit and say "I listened to them first!" I'm trying to say that even though none of them are putting their faces on billboards, people are still finding out about them and continually listening to them. Why could this be!? You're only good if you're on MTV right? Noooo. It's because they're still good! I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this now. I just want people to be able to get into and help out the smaller guys in the music industry. It doesn't matter how. Buy some merch, follow them on twitter, go to a show. When you're not huge I'm sure that everything that you get is awesome. I would do all of the above, but I live in Utah and not a lot of cool people come here, so I just do what I can.

This is the life-ish part of my entry. I know I still have one year left of high school, but I'm worried about when I get out. The first part I have to get past is how laughable what I want to do is. When someone says they are going to be a biologist after high school you think "Oh, that's normal. Sounds like a good, steady job." but when I say I want to play music, you think "Wow, you might as well be an astronaut. You must be dreaming." No, I would make a horrible astronaut, and yes I am dreaming. The reason for this is that no seven year old wants to be a biologist. They want to do awesome things. I'm sure that every little kid wanted to be some sort of performer or rock star though. I guess this reasoning does have it's points though. Little kids = not big thinkers. If you really got into everything though, you'd see that there are plenty of successful musicians. It doesn't matter if you're not on tv. I don't think anyone in my gigantic family have ever heard of Taking Back Sunday, but they are giant and very well off. So to help me get over this part I want to type it down as blatant as possible. I'm going to be a professional musician. There. Done.

I was going to keep going, but I'll end it here. Then the next entry will be jam-packed.
I really wish I had friends that were musicians though, to just play and write songs with. I think
that would be really cool. Oh well...someday.
Have a good day.