I was just glancing through tons of people's myspaces that I've known for a while. It kind of made me sick. Not because of anything bad, but because I compared them to how I remember them from 8th or 9th grade. It's weird how everyone is almost completely different from how they were before. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. I know that I was a lot different then too. It makes me wonder if it matter who I am right now, because I could be a different person in three years. There were a lot of things that I thought I'd never do, that now seem like nothing to me. I thought that I'd be trying to stay at home for all of college to save money, when now I want out before I'm even done with high school. Half of my better friends, I didn't even know two years ago. Even last year, I thought that I'd be with the same girl but I'm obviously not. Looking around my room and hearing Tortures of the Damned feels right. Looking at my newer stuff, piled upon my older things. Just all of it makes me feel sick. Not getting older, or even changing I guess. I wish that I could pick up every old thing I have and go back to when it wasn't old so that I could enjoy that day again.

This probably all stems from one main thing, which would be the last three months of the year. I enjoy them a lot because of the weather, but I also hate them. I hate October 18th. I hate that I can't see the only family that really made an effort to help me. I hate that I feel like I can't even talk to the only person that I've been able to tell everything. I hate every pair of feet that I see walk past my room's door. I hate that I might not be able to wrestle for my last year because of my ridiculous amounts of homework.

I know I'll be fine, and I might even be fine right now. But I can't seem to get through the last three months of the year without these things passing through my mind at least once a day. I'll have fun tomorrow and Saturday. Hopefully I can get rid of everything for a while.

Have a good day.