This is going to be morbid, but I want to get something across. Sometimes I really understand people that kill themselves. I'm not saying this because I'm going to kill myself. I've never even considered it, I just want to get across my understanding. Maybe other people will understand; unless you're happy. Then it's probably good that you don't. I see how someone could think they have nothing and they never will. I don't have a good time at home, I don't have a good time at school, and when I'm with my friends, half the time I'm thinking about other not-so-great things. But I know, or think, that I must have at least one little good thing going for me. But maybe not, after I typed that I was thinking "I really don't think that at all, but it must be true if I've never wanted to end my life." I guess I really don't know what it is that makes me know that that isn't an option, but I supposed there has to be something. I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by dementors. I was about to type that they keep all of my biggest bad memories at the front of my head, but then I realized that just about all of my life defining moments are bad ones. Just from typing this I'm learning that I'm not as much of an optimist as I thought. I guess it's common sense to think that you aren't going to have anything awesome happen to you, if your life is already defined solely on the bad things in your life. I don't know what else to say about this exact subject. I have no plans what-so-ever to do something like that. I just think that I know what people think when they end their lives and I understand. I hate that I understand that. I hate how much it seems like I'm typing this for pity, and I hate it even more that I keep writing and that I'm going to post it. I don't know exactly how to type this exactly the way that I want.

I want people to know that everything is wrong, but not because I want them to feel bad for me. I'm trying to put why I want people to know, but the harder I try the more it hurts to try to articulate it. My brain literally feels like it's going to burst from trying to explain a sliver of why I'm saying these things, and how I feel. It seems like every problem I have is falling down, in one long domino chain. Because I can't fix the first problem, it falls onto the next one and the last one in line is going to crush me. I think that I just may be typing a mental breakdown. How is that for exclusive? sldkfjsanFSDGLJDSVSldsfsadf asdfgwaieurn I honestly can't type anything that I'm thinking or feeling anymore. It's hard enough for everything to be in there, without trying to grab onto a single thought and put it into words. I hate my parents for making me the way I am. Without them I would probably like who I was before and still have everything that I did. There's only one thing that I don't hate right now. I have another knuckle shaped dent in my wall. I don't think that I'm going to sleep tonight and I don't think that I'm going to school tomorrow either. At least if I still feel anything like this. I think I have a lot due, but I don't see how any of that is going to help me with anything. This is all too intense for me.

P.S.

Sorry, I normally put the title last and I can't think right now.