i've grown accustom to the grays and blacks, cause they're always coming back.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
by
Dylan
I don't want to have to push myself to go to school everyday. I don't want to have to lock myself in my room all day. I don't want to be angry all the time. I don't want to have to try hard to be alright. I don't want to feel trapped in my own life. I don't want to have to try hard to concentrate on everything. I don't want to be embarrassed of where I come from.
I don't want to do any of these things, but I'm going to. I'm going to because there isn't any way around any of them for now. They're all a means to an end. I know I say things all the time about trying to keep yourself happy and being okay with things, but sometimes I wonder if it's just because I'm used to it. I'm sure that if other people had to deal with the things that I have they would deal with stuff just as well because they would be used to it, like I am. Which makes me wonder if I really am always okay. I could just think that I am because I'm used to feeling like this, so I've just become desensitized to being miserable. But I guess then if I'm not aware that I'm miserable, and I think I'm okay, I really am fine since it's all in your mind. I don't know, it turns into a slippery slope. But my point is that even after everything I say, I'm not even sure if I'm taking my own advice.
I wish that I had someone to talk to that could feel, not think, the same way I do. If they thought like me, I'd just be talking to myself. I guess that's essentially what I'm doing right now. I just want 100% sincere, no holding back advice. It's partly my fault though that no one is going to feel about it, at the same level that I do. If I don't tell anyone everything, they aren't going to get it all. But I'm willing to settle and keep some things inside.
It's almost funny that I was listening to Blame it on Bad Luck when I found out about everything.
4 comments:
things will get better. there's more than likely someone out there that will kno exactly what to say and won't let you feel weird about you talking to them. you'll more than likely not even kno the person, but deep there will be the feeling that you've known them you're whole life. keep strong cuz you seem like the type of person that will be no matter what gets thrown at them. good luck with everything:)
I don't know who this is, but thanks! :)
ha! i did that on purpose:)lol but i'm not sitting on your page i promise. i just wanted to see if you commented back and ta-da!!! you did...
you shouldn't be embarrassed of where you came from because that wasn't something you choose. no one chooses where we come from, but we do choice who we are and where we're going you just have to find out who you are and be that person without worrying from where you came from and who would judge you because you are the only one who can keep you from being happy.And you shouldn't really feel bad for what your dad does i mean sure his your dad, but your not responsible for any decision that he makes because those bad decision would only affect your dad and not you and i know you maybe thinking "wtf" where did she get the idea about me caring about what my dad does, if i said i don't, but when you talk about someone's problems it's because you do care.And well you should really take your own advice because it really is better than mine lol, but everything would get better because for the little i know about you, i can tell and mostly i feel that your are a really strong person that can do anything if you put your mind to. Oh and am sure you'll find someone that would know what to say whenever your feeling bad, horible , miserrable and that would even share your happy moments with you and good luck with everything ;)
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