I'm jumping straight in. First off, I don't want to come off ostentatious. None of this makes me laugh or is laughable at all. I don't like it when people just laugh at their problems. They're not funny and pretending to laugh at your misfortunes doesn't make them so. None of it is killing me either. It's just there, and it doesn't need to be there. If something can be left alone and let go, it should be. I don't want to go all out on this subject, I just want to make sure that I'm understood. If, or when actually, anyone is in a situation where they have the choice between taking the high and low road, I suggest the high road. It feels good to know that you did the right and mature thing. I'm going to end this now before I get too preachy and seem pretentious. I just want people, my friends in particular, to be able to do the things that are the best.
P.S.
Keep in mind how awesome Bayside is live.
I keep writing myself into rust. Make it all seem so much harder.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
by
Dylan
This is a happiness disclaimer. I'm not bipolar, just sometimes things work out. Sometimes even, right after bad things happen. This is going to be good.
I'm not sure really how to explain why I'm in a good mood, but I don't think specifics should be as important to other people as should be just the plain fact that I feel good. I'm really excited for Say Anything tomorrow. I don't even care that they'll probably only play around an hour. I'll have all the energy that I killed during Bayside last time and I finally get to hear Ahh...men live. I can't really say anything else about why I feel good. But I think that the post where I started actually allowing myself to feel happy helped this come about. I'm not sure what else to say. I just wanted to record the fact that I'm happy and that I needed to help myself get to this point. Even though this is short, I hope you enjoy it more than the last few.
I usually get specific with instances in my blogs, but not this one. I'm going to write a Natalee blog. Important, but vague. The Utah vs. BYU game is on right now. I'm not watching it, but I can still hear it coming from the next room. I don't really care who wins it that much. I mean I'd like for Utah to win, but if they lose it won't upset me.
In the last couple days I've come to terms with what's been keeping me down. Myself. I know it's obvious but the hardest part of realizing that is knowing that you can make yourself feel better. Normally it's "I know I feel bad, but that's how I feel and I can't help it." Wrong. I know you can't just flip around your mood. But getting better depends on how you deal with it. You can choose to wallow in it and make it worse, which is what I've been doing. Or you can try to make it better and improve whatever it is. I don't have to punch holes in my wall. I don't have to listen to depressing music. I don't have to hang out by myself all day. I wish that I would have came to this conclusion a little sooner. I tend to see what other people are doing, and learn from them. This is usually good because then I don't do whatever it is wrong that they do. Sometimes it isn't though. I don't like it when my friends are like this, and I have trouble figuring out myself what I need to do. I'm not sure what else to say now. I don't really feel better, but I know I can try a lot harder to make it happen. Hopefully this is the first step to ascension.
Have a good day.
This of course isn't going to be the happiest entry, I don't know how long it's been since I've had one of those. But it won't be as bad as yesterdays. Hopefully.
The last month or so I've constantly been angry. Not at one certain thing, but not at nothing either. I'm angry that people are happy when they shouldn't be allowed to. I'm angry that people are allowed to think that they're right when they're not. I hate that people can do anything wrong and really believe that it's right. I know when I do something wrong. I don't feel good or happy about it. I may not kill myself over it, but it know it's wrong. When someone says something like "you're a fagget" (I know how to spell, it was the stupid person that misspelled it), I hope they know how stupid they are. I sincerely want them to be curb stomped. The fact that I have to hold back a smile while thinking of that solidifies my sincerity. Every time I pass Rebecca when walking down my hallway, I want to hit her head into the wall and kick her ribs until they all feel soft. When someone says something demeaning to me I want to hit them until my knuckles break. I could make an instance for every kind of person I don't like.
Even though I want to do all of these things, I don't. I know that they're all irrational, and I know that it's not normal to be this angry all the time. Because of this, I have to try my hardest to not actually get into a fight. I need to remember that I'm eighteen and that a few people would probably be upset with me. That's pretty much what's stopping me. I wish that I could give myself my own reason not to, but I don't really have a stake in myself. I'm not sure what else to say right now. I've had a huge headache all day and I have no money for any pain medication. <3life
Have a good day.
Ughh, it feels like it's happening again but I'll try to get through this without any craziness. It's usually these talks that trigger them. Talks with a million questions and no answers. I always get into these hoping that I'll come out happier, but I always seem to feel ten times worse after. Which is already happening. But I'll keep going just because I believe that it may turn out better, when I know it won't. Recently I've realized that there is no correlation between how I think/feel and what I do. I'm not even positive what I really think half the time. Right on the outside of everything I'll think one thing, but as I think more and go deeper it changes. It doesn't do this once either, my mind just goes back and forth until I choose what I want to do. What I do can't reflect what I think either, because everything second guessing it inside my head is still there. That might mean that most of the time I don't 100% think anything. I don't like the thought of that, but I also know that it's true. I'm not even sure that this will make sense to anyone else. As I type it though, it seems to be an alright description of my thinking process.
I don't know if I'm just being weird because I'm starting to go down, but am I the only ones who's heart actually starts to physically hurt and feel heavier from sadness? It happens to me every now and then and now I understand all those songs with the over-used metaphors about heavy and hurting hearts. I know why they're used so much now. It sucks. It really makes you just drag your feet around and not open your mouth so much. It just doesn't feel good at all. I feel like a typical angsty teenager speaking like this, but I'm not trying to be. I just understand what it feels like.
When you really look at this entry, it's not that different from the last time this happened. This time I'm just trying really hard to make sense and not seem ridiculous. I can see more holes in my wall. I can see another night of very little sleep. It's awesome that this always seems to happen on school nights when I have a full schedule the next day.
Have a good day.
I hope so.
Figured that out the hardest way. The forecast calls for fire, the flames sound nice today.
Monday, November 16, 2009
by
Dylan
I know, I blogged like twelve hours ago. I was actually going to earlier, but I was finally motivated to do homework and decided I wouldn't until I got a good portion done. You can hardly call my last entry a real blog anyway. It wasn't exactly coherent or, even me I guess.
That wasn't the first time that that's happened though. It does around once every two weeks, or so. I just happened to have been trying to write a blog when it did last night. I decided that if that happens again, while I'm blogging, I'm just going to save it as a draft and not post it. Then I can still read it, but I don't seem ridiculous to everyone. I don't really like everyone knowing that happens, especially since it does more frequently than I'd like. But I think that I should try to be upfront about myself on here. I don't see the point of it if I'm just going to tell everyone the good things about myself. I can do that just fine in person
I'm starting to get tired of this happening though. I wish that I knew how to make it stop. I think that when I start working and earning money, it may help. It could make it worse though, when I realize how much I actually have to buy. That was one of the things going through my head last night. That I won't be able to actually make good progress on buying things I need in order to leave,for months. It's still in there so I guess it's a legitimate worry. Just about everything is still in my head, it's just more...organized? Manageable? Ignorable? I don't know, but it doesn't feel the same. Maybe it's because someone is trying to help me today. I'm not sure. I just know that it has to stop. I was up all night last night, and didn't go to school today. I missed a test in art history, turning in a bunch of assignments in humanities and turning in essays in psych. Hopefully I can make most of those up, we'll see. This was supposed to be an apology for the last post, but I think that it's more fitting to make it an explanation. Which, I suppose, is just a less pathetic way to say it's an apology? I probably won't be 100% today or even tomorrow, but it usually takes a day or two to recover from those nights. But maybe I'll feel better after turning in my job application and getting homework done.
Have a good day.
P.S.
I know I posted this song just a little bit ago but this is even better. Then at the end he explains it which makes the last part the saddest part for me, but still the best.
I was going to blog earlier today, but decided not to so that I could see how I felt at the end of the day. Bad plan. I felt a lot better earlier and the half blog I had written, was much better than, I'm sure, this one will be.
This is going to be morbid, but I want to get something across. Sometimes I really understand people that kill themselves. I'm not saying this because I'm going to kill myself. I've never even considered it, I just want to get across my understanding. Maybe other people will understand; unless you're happy. Then it's probably good that you don't. I see how someone could think they have nothing and they never will. I don't have a good time at home, I don't have a good time at school, and when I'm with my friends, half the time I'm thinking about other not-so-great things. But I know, or think, that I must have at least one little good thing going for me. But maybe not, after I typed that I was thinking "I really don't think that at all, but it must be true if I've never wanted to end my life." I guess I really don't know what it is that makes me know that that isn't an option, but I supposed there has to be something. I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by dementors. I was about to type that they keep all of my biggest bad memories at the front of my head, but then I realized that just about all of my life defining moments are bad ones. Just from typing this I'm learning that I'm not as much of an optimist as I thought. I guess it's common sense to think that you aren't going to have anything awesome happen to you, if your life is already defined solely on the bad things in your life. I don't know what else to say about this exact subject. I have no plans what-so-ever to do something like that. I just think that I know what people think when they end their lives and I understand. I hate that I understand that. I hate how much it seems like I'm typing this for pity, and I hate it even more that I keep writing and that I'm going to post it. I don't know exactly how to type this exactly the way that I want.
I want people to know that everything is wrong, but not because I want them to feel bad for me. I'm trying to put why I want people to know, but the harder I try the more it hurts to try to articulate it. My brain literally feels like it's going to burst from trying to explain a sliver of why I'm saying these things, and how I feel. It seems like every problem I have is falling down, in one long domino chain. Because I can't fix the first problem, it falls onto the next one and the last one in line is going to crush me. I think that I just may be typing a mental breakdown. How is that for exclusive? sldkfjsanFSDGLJDSVSldsfsadf asdfgwaieurn I honestly can't type anything that I'm thinking or feeling anymore. It's hard enough for everything to be in there, without trying to grab onto a single thought and put it into words. I hate my parents for making me the way I am. Without them I would probably like who I was before and still have everything that I did. There's only one thing that I don't hate right now. I have another knuckle shaped dent in my wall. I don't think that I'm going to sleep tonight and I don't think that I'm going to school tomorrow either. At least if I still feel anything like this. I think I have a lot due, but I don't see how any of that is going to help me with anything. This is all too intense for me.
P.S.
Sorry, I normally put the title last and I can't think right now.
I want death. Death for my birthday. Don't get me wrong cause I love life, but life has a boyfriend.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
by
Dylan
Well today was my birthday. It didn't feel like it. Thank you though, everyone that said happy birthday and contributed to it. Made it better for me. I think this is the first time I've ever felt like this on my birthday. Usually no matter how I feel, the fact that it's my birthday over rides everything. Normally it's supposed to be awesome and special and fun. I didn't feel awesome or special or have fun. I ate cake by myself and looked at the clouds outside. This is also the first year I didn't really get anything, from my family, for my birthday. My dad gave me $100, but that was 2 days ago and it's my normal monthly allowance, which I use for lunch and coffee. I hate that I'm just sitting here complaining about everything. Especially when it's not really even this that's affecting me. It's okay, I'll have more birthdays.
I wrote this a few days ago. It seems like it's getting more true too. That would normally be cool, but it's not.
Call it Karma
I’ve got this ball and chain
With every mistake it gains a pound
I’ve been slipping on my actions
Can’t get an inch off the ground
Hold out your hand
But I can’t reach a thing
This weight has got me down
I’ll call it karma, they’ll call it a plea
I know it’s what I get
I deserve a little more
Let this beat me till I’m bruised
The rest can kick me on the floor
Self-loathing’s an okay phrase
Punishment is even better
But I know that I’ve made mistakes
So I’ll call it karma, I’ve been better
I can’t dry my eyes
I prefer the lines all distorted
Like every good thought I have
My bad actions are a hanger
My happiness, being aborted
If I can’t get my act together
I’ll pack my stuff together
Maybe I need help, can’t get out of bed
But I’ll live if I have to leave, with a hole in my head
I know it’s what I get
I deserve a little more
Let this beat me till I’m bruised
The rest can kick me on the floor
Self-loathing’s an okay phrase
Punishment is even better
But I know that I’ve made mistakes
So I’ll call it karma, I’ve been better
Swallow my pride
Eat myself alive
I’ve made my bed
Now it’s time to lie
So I’ll call it karma, I’ve been better
I know I’ve been better
Before I get into this, it's not going to be nearly as bad as last time. I'm feeling better, but I'm not going to delete my last post. It shows me how I felt and that I feel better.
Today John Mayer's new album, Battle Studies, leaked. Remember how much I liked Say Anything's new album? Well this one is hands down my album of the year. That shows you how good it is. If you listen to it, tell me what songs stick out the most to you. I think my favorites of the moment are Perfectly Lonely, and Heartbreak Warfare. Tomorrow I think I get my $100 dollar allowance. I'm going to end up spending the majority of it on a few vinyls and a haircut. It'll be worth it though. I'm starting to become such a hipster, it's ridiculous. I'm going to start collecting vinyls, I'm reading Atlas Shrugged, and I'm a music elitist. I'm also going to be getting a tattoo. If the sincere egotism of hipsters didn't bother me so much, I wouldn't mind it. Since it does I'm what Natalee calls a "anti-hipster, hipster". That one is alright with me. Also, you're reading my blog. I think the fact that I have one, and the fact that I took two hours to review an entire album makes it even more so. It's kind of funny how I don't even try to do all of these things, like others, but still manage to fit the stereotype very well.
I like it when I notice how much I appreciate people. Jordan gave me an authentic Harry Potter wand and even had a little Harry Potter metaphor to go along with it. That was awesome. Cameron comments 3/4 of my blog entries and offers help nearly every time. That's awesome. Don't worry if I didn't put you there just barely. Those are just things I've noticed in the past two days. If I hang out with you and talk to you frequently, I'm sure that you're doing something good for me.
Right now everything feels pretty good because it almost feels like ninth grade again. I'm reading three books at once, listening to great new albums, all my friends are good, School isn't unbearable, and other stuff. Ninth grade was probably the best year of my life and I'm starting to remember why. I don't mean I'm just remembering it, but that it's matching it. If everything worked out how I want it to, it could be even better. My birthday is also coming up, so that's cool. I'm not really getting anything, but it will still be cool to be 18 and for some reason you always feel extra special on your birthday. Oh, and my aunt asked me if I wanted to do something at her house on my birthday. I don't think it would be a party, like last time. I think it would just be everyone hanging out there, instead of my house since I don't really like it here. I need to see if anyone wants to. If no one does, it's alright. I can see why it'd be awkward. But if you want to, my cousins are fun to hang out with and they have a huge TV for halo! Haha. It feels a little funny that on my 18th birthday I want to play video games, when I'm supposed to be an adult. But I'm not going to feel any different when I'm 18. Earlier today I was talking about this to someone and they said "You had to grow up and be an adult a long time ago Dylan.." and I have. That makes turning 18 even better. I'm not expected to act any older, because I already have had to act five times my age. Minus the poop jokes of course. I told my self that I'd try to devote at least an hour and a half to Atlas Shrugged tonight, so I'm done.
Have a good day.
Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
by
Dylan
It's my birthday in four days, and every day I care a little less. It's not enough to help me escape anything. I slept two hours last night. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to talk to anyone. I have another hole in the wall. I want to literally kill my dad and Rebecca. No one can help me with any of this. I don't think I'm going to make it through the winter.
I needed an anchor for my sinking ship. That's just like me to attach it to my heart instead.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
by
Dylan
I think that if someone who hadn't read this blog before, just looked at the first entry they wouldn't be up to read it again. So I thought I'd do another one so that it doesn't look like I just do that song analyzing every time.
I'm doing pretty well right now, even though I'm not doing a lot. I've been sick for the last few days and I think that it peaked yesterday. Which means I am on the downside of it! I think that I may be like 86%, rough estimate of course, better tomorrow. Which is good. Tomorrow I'm also going to the football game, seeing Law Abiding Citizen, and I'm not sure what else. But it's always fun when we just hang out all day. Maybe coffee too! Yeaaaahhh, that stuff.
I'm feeling better because I've realized that a lot of things I've been doing in maybe the last...3 months? Have just all been different kinds of self-destruction. The bad kind. But in my case I think the self-destruction was just a step that needed to happen for me to really learn and get better. It's like Hate Everyone on the last record. Immature hate towards everyone and everything, but still a necessary step in the whole process the record goes through. I think that some good writing is also going to come out of it, which is always good. I just thought of it and even though Max came a lot way up to Hate Everyone, it was still only the second song on the record. I'm going to live my life SA style and say that I still have another 15 tracks to go (deluxe edition haha) and then whatever comes after! But that means I'm not Do Better now. Haha, this whole concept seems ridiculous as soon as I type it.
I feel like saying more, but I'm not sure what to say. I was considering posting something new that I wrote, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I'll probably write something better from this whole situation. I don't think that there's really anything else I can say. I told myself I would do my homework at nine and it's 8:56, so I should probably end this now.
Have a good day.
So I finally got the real, physical copy of Say Anything's new self-titled album! The only thing I need now are the B-sides. I don't feel bad about downloading those, because I bought the album! I just couldn't pre-order it. Anyway, this entire entry is going to be dedicated to deciphering the songs. It's going to be impossible for me to get all of it, or even most of it. But it's what I've got so far. I'm going to be typing out all the lyrics from the little booklet, so yes they're correct.
Fed to Death
There was a man from Allentown, who fed his son to death
He calmly watched him gorge himself until his final breath
And there he stood surprised and shocked above his tiny frame
He said "I bear no blame for this, I only share his name!"
There was a man from Nazareth the fools at war pervert
They forged an image of his flesh to brand on mugs and t-shirts
They say one day he'll spring to life to smile and clear your name
So nail yourself upon the cross and hang your head in shame forever
This is forever
This is one of the easier ones to get. It's all religion. People use religion as a fail-safe for doing things they know they shouldn't, because "he'll spring to life to smile and clear your name." They also use religion for commercialism. Pretty much religion is good, but some people take advantage of it.
Hate Everyone
I'm not going to post the lyrics for this because it's really easy to get, just from the chorus. Max has already tweeted the correct lyrics too. I just want to point out that while this song is fun and bouncy, it's still not about fun things. It's still about hating everyone, but at the end he says he's a humanist. So even though he hates everyone, he still believes that they can do better. Haha, yeah I did a fun little pun in that last sentence.
Do Better
Life is not a spark in space, an episode of Will and Grace
Controversial, yet mundane
Deborah's Messing with your brain
Even scienologists know there's more to all of this
You search the ruins for trap doors
Wonder what you're put here for
Simple as a hint of gas, climbing nostrils as you pass
Making Harvard graduates feel childish when they laugh at it
Climb the rungs to kingdom come, sour patch to acid tongue
Are you opposed to having fun? You clench the world between your buns
You could do better
You could be the greatest man in the world
Your life is always the post of something else
Where is the present in the way that you present yourself?
It's disgusting how little you try: the existential equivalent of pink eye
Drink alone and watch TV, you're expecting harmonies
To tap your tune with silver spoons, anthem of impending doom
Guiding Satan's steady hand, forcing beatles to disband
It's ego freaks and drama queens
The young at heart know what I mean
You could do better than that, you're a fraud
Thank God you learned to keep your shirt on
You'd burn so brightly in the dark
We could do better
We could be the greatest band in the world
This is one of my favorite songs on the record. That doesn't mean it's a million times better than the rest though, because this record makes it really hard to have a favorite. The whole gist of the song is in the chorus, you can always do better. Some of the lines in this are awesome though. "Deborah's messing with your brain." Debra Messing plays Grace in Will and Grace. Word play! Life is "controversial yet mundane" because everyone argues what life is about, but yet everyone is alive (mundane). The first two lines in the 2nd verse are easy, but I don't get the second two yet. Existentialism is pretty much that everyone's life has it's one specific meaning and purpose. Pink eye has no purpose. Ahhhh, get it!?! I really like "guiding Satan's steady hand, forcing beatles to disband..." part, even though it's really easy to decipher. The end is saying that even they could do a lot better.
Less Cute
Never thought that I could feel such a slap in the face
Since my semester in New York where I drank it away
Social strategies are taught to bohemian crowds
and my love was like a food stamp, handing it out
Oh though I fell in love with you, all fey and grizzled and mature
You left me broken, pining, whining, on your bathroom floor.
If it makes you jealous tell us which boy we should adore
Only talk about myself, so I don't mind that he's a bore
He's like a less cute version of you, but he'll have to do
He's like a Walmart version of you, but he'll have to do
Mountain man! Brag about your band to me!
You've got me hot with all those snide remarks about my poetry
But he gobbles up every single line about the stars
And how they scar my slightly chubby arm, like brightly lit cigars
So now he's next to me, but I can feel you in my heart
You're everything. You're everything he'll never be
It's misery. And more specifically I miss that day you spit on me
He's got no inkling of your status or mind
He's just the glue that I splatter to bind
You and I like siamese twins,
So let this sick, sad game begin
Now you're here again and he will wonder where I've been
I'm giving in, but in my own opinion it's how to be
Though I can hear him singing:
"All this envy's killing me, it's killing me."
And every time I see your face I die inside
First thing, this is in the girls perspective. Obviously I think. First verse is her being a whore in college, because she wants to find love. When she finally thinks she finds it, he owns her. The chorus is her being with a guy after him. Even though he may (or may not, it doesn't say) treat her better, she still pines for the douche. Second verse is him being a douche some more. He brags about his awesome band and makes fun of her poetry. She brags about knowing (or having sex with, these two lines are hard) rock stars, and he likes that about her. The last two lines reiterate that she loves and misses him even though he treats her bad. The bridge is her explaining that the new guy isn't as good as the douche. The last verse is the bad guy coming back, and envying the new guy. The last line can either be interpreted as her giving in to the bad dude and going back to him or her finally leaving him forever. Not sure.
Eloise
Max has already posted the lyrics to this as well, so I won't contribute to the longness of the blog with them. This is the turning point of the album (the previous songs, were about the same girl in IDOTG). He is a girls messiah, turning her problems around, but still has to leave her. On further thought he realizes she was never that much to him, and tells her to let go. "So beautiful, the ugliness within you." Her flaws are what attracted him in the first place. "Just a bloody band-aid" and "just a couple of stupid kids throwing the ball back and forth, just to see who drops it first." show that they were only hiding each others pains. All-in-all it's a mature song about realizing when to let go.
Mara and Me
The lyrics for this song have been posted by Max as well. The beginning is him saying that there are much, much worse things going on in the world than your girlfriend breaking up or cheating on you. Yet bands (Kings of Leon) still stick to only writing about that. Then he goes on to say that he's not much worse because he lives his life through a lens of angst and hopelessness. No matter what he does (claim revolutionary, give to charity) everyone will know it's just a cover or excuse for him living like that. Then he almost breaks down realizing how bad what he's doing is, and in comes the spoken word part.
Wait a second, I can't sing the same damn song over and over again.
He tells himself that he can't define himself through destructive emotional vices and shunning everyone else. He can't give up this new state of mind, even if for one second he doesn't believe it. The end is telling everyone else to join him.
Crush'd
Too easy and this is getting long. If you don't know what this song is about, you're probably mildly retarded or deaf
She Wont Follow You
Thought I was alone in my utter disgust
Until the old me started to bleed and we became us
Lust and mistrust in their social halitosis
Combust to form stardust burning nuclear gust
Who sets presidents up to farm oil?
It's the pigs who's tails curve out to a pointed coil
If you want to know more then mark yes at the end of your test
In response to your call of distress, we're the best!
Meet me in the back room
I'll tell you everything
Just run away with me, just lay with me
They say rebellion exists in despair
In their ironic facial hair, the devil may or may not care
I saw the look she gave to Mr. Cred
She said: "Don't let that blow go to your head"
She took my hand instead
There's nothing like the brain of a beautiful girl
When it grasps the fallacy of the world
We're in the back room, back to back
Breathing hard, reading the file on your heart they sought to defile
She won't follow you
This is, for me, the hardest one on the album. I think the beginning "thought I was alone...old me started to bleed and we became us." Is about him going back to his old ways a little and his wife copying him. I can't really pinpoint every thing that leads me to think it's about people (and/or people in the music scene?) trying to ruin his relationship, but for some reason that's what it seems like. "reading the file on your heart they sought to defile", "I saw the look she gave...(all the way to) she took my hand instead." Mr. Cred, could be his credibility and her telling him it's alright. Her looking at his heart, and seeing that it's good even though people are trying to defile it. She won't follow you could literally mean YOU. Everyone that listens to it. She won't listen to the bad things you say about him.
Cemetery
There's a cemetery deep below the sea
There the space is reserved for fools like me
I tried to kill myself at least a dozen times
But nothing seemed to turn out right
Now I'd rather wait a half a century
Soiling the bed all belligerent and wrinkly
Even when I go blind and lose my mind
And nothing seems to turn out right
Something's got to turn out right
If you want then when we die
We'll ascend to some play way up high
At the gates they'll show you through
If they ask me, I'm with you
You're in my body, That's where I think about you
There's no one who imagines like you
So convinced there's somewhere that we go to
Not a first class trip to the abyss
Tell me, do you still feel this?
As I drown in lakes of fire
I will call your name as I expire
It's the last thing I will I do
I will tell them I'm with you
Falling asleep at the wheel
As I approach that cliff, I'm starting to feel
If you could wake me up with only your touch
Then I could die with you and life would be enough
And I'll face the one who made
My disgusting heart from a lump of clay
Should he ask what got me through;
If he asks me it was you
I think this one is pretty easy, even though a lot of people are going to skip over a lot of the meaning. It's about love and religion. He lost his faith in himself, but his wife restored it along with a whole new religious spirituality. When he faces God, he'll tell him that his wife got him through everything. That's pretty much it for that one.
Property
Max has posted the lyrics for this one too. It's really easy to get, but you have to try to decide whether or not it's sarcasm. People always stupidly agree with what The Futile says, when it's really 100% sarcasm. I'm pretty sure this one is too. He's not going to treat his wife like property. Easy.
Death for my Birthday
Let me guide you through the story of a boy and his curse
Tine diamond in a stroller with his first step chasing the hearse
Sipping at a cup that's halfway filled
But looking forward to the day he pays that drinking bill
There's no peace, there's no quiet on this earth
but he could find it nestled tightly in that womb beneath the dirt
Hurt no more. When he turned 24
He wrote to nail to God's front door that said:
I want death for my birthday in the worst way
Don't get me wrong because I love live, but life has a boyfriend
Bless my soul I'm out to destroy them.
He found a high paying job and the love of his life
He rode a roller coaster ride of lust on their wedding night
They made a baby in unmentionable ways
He was ungrateful as a man could be on that blessed day
and underneath he though "This is all a phase
Just a blip in the existence of a structure vast and great"
Prayed each night to his cross of charm
For the one thing he couldn't afford: just to buy the farm
"I'll never lose another friend again
Or watch them fight a war that's fought for ideals that are dead
I'll never have an argument again
Because my dust will be your salt
My blood will hydrate you all
My heart will be your meal
and I won't ride the cycle of the way it kills to think and feel"
"No more"
One sweet day his heart ceased to beat
He fell so fast beneath all our feet through bugs and snakes
Last words he had to say were:
"Help me claw my way to the surface
Oh, sweet Lord you know I deserve this
Just one more. Just one more birthday."
In one sentence this song is about the beauty of life, whether or not you can see it. In the beginning he's telling God he wants death because he has everything, and he may enjoy it, but that's not enough. Then he notices everything important in life and says that he'll never go back to thinking that his life is in vain. At the end as he's dying he tells God that he deserves to live because he found out how great and important life is.
Young Dumb and Stung
Don't care what you think, you think I care?
You humans can't see why pretty music came to be
I see where you stand, I'm standing here
So count the fuse flaming with me. One. Two. Three.
Yeah, you won't be stopping me yet
I thought I was covered in sweat, fast asleep in the bed you wet
I'm young. I'm dumb. I'm stung
You bet I'm in it
You bet I'm deep in the thick of it, baby
Don't care what you think, you think I care
I'll call you Richard, if you will, you bag of swill
Define your spine; you're standing in line
Death is a crutch for me and mine. We're singing:
Yeah, you think you know me so well
Yeah, you'd think I purchase what you sell
Yeah pickled in your private hell. I will scream and I will yell
When I was ten years young, my douche best friend
Decided that I was just not cool enough for him
My awkward frame, and bucktooth grin
were no accoutrements for one with new skin
Well late last week I saw that man
He was far to high to grasp that I shook his hand
I've got my pride and my rock band
Singing words that he don't understand:
Young. Dumb. Stung
This one is also one of the harder ones to get. I think most of it is about the music scene. He's saying he doesn't care what everyone else thinks about his music, even though they think he does. He won't "purchase what you see" or take the advice of other people on what to do with his music. The last verse is about a kid who shunned him, but he got his revenge in meeting him years later when he's a burnout and Max has a huge rock band. I think It's pretty much about how he's proud of his band and how they do things.
Ahhh...men
Staring out the window of our tour bus
And it's just the horny driver and us
We sit and trade wit and smoke and we cuss
Talking about our friendly border drug bust
And I know the future's cloudy and grey
Record like mine, give up or go gay
You're looking down on me with blue and black eyes
Pissing down a storm from purple night skies
And I know the concepts muddy and trite
That all that is large and all that is slight
Is flowing in the stream of holy floodlights
At writing holy book, lord knows we bite
But if this is your will and my testament
I will bow in no belief that they bent
Still I'm just a sperm begat from your love
Basking in the bread and the blood of your dove
Can I lie with you in your grave?
There' s a crack in the edge of the end of the world
Where I will sit with my love in it's fluorescent swirl
Eat us up, break it down to the tiniest cell
In our room with a view and a window to hell
Where those who buried bodies in their barrel of fun
Will be marched through museums that display what they've done
Shot up through the sky by a cannon of sin
Where we'll reluctantly let them in
Can I lie with you in your grave?
Yeaaah, the awesome closer. This song is definitely the hardest to get. Everything I'm going to say about it is tentative. I think the first verse is about the evils of touring. The "writing holy books..." part is about, back to Fed to Death, how man ruins religion through writing our own holy books. The end intense part is a little easier. :"Those who buried bodies..." and onward is I think about the evils of the world and we use them as an example so they don't happen again. They have halocaust museums that display what they've done. But I can't be positive. This one is going to take me a while...
I know that this song seems funny and just kind of a zany pop song, but it isn't really. It reminds me of Hate Everyone. The whole concept of it is dark, but just the music is poppy and fun. I may blog again today, I just feel like this deserves it's own.